Some of the most popular scooter themed threads on Reddit are about what people named their scooters. It made me wonder if I had let my little scoot down by never pondering a completely personal moniker. True, I transformed it from a Kymko Like 200i into a CR Like Whatever 200zx to honor the men who rebuilt it and gave it to me (also to poke fun at the brand’s choice to use a sub-par Chinese engine in that particular model), but I never did the one thing that would have made it part of my family. I didn’t give it a name.

To right that wrong, I studied the Reddit threads (here and here), thought long and hard about all the scooter names I had ever heard, and decided there are at least five ways to choose a name for your scooter:

  1. Go for the obvious, generic choice. - Perhaps you’re a vanilla ice cream (no toppings), black coffee, dry toast kind of guy or gal. If so, it’s probably appropriate to name your Genuine Buddy scooter the “buddy boy”, “Jenny”, or “Scooty”. If you do, you may still be able to add a dash of intrigue like LegendEater did: “Simply, Sküt.”
  2. Pretend it’s your race horse or a superhero. - These may sound like two very different strategies, but the idea is the same. Both are often mixtures of authoritative or seductive words. Bold Ruler, Desert Vixen, Count Fleet, and Sky Beauty are famous thoroughbreads. Green Lantern, Lady Bullseye, Crimson Dynamo, and Black Widow are superherhoes. See what I mean?
  3. Invent a parody using someone or something that exists. - These names often bring the most giggles even if they make no sense in relationship to the scooter’s appearance. After all, you can always modify the bike to fit the name. A few of my favorites in this category include Vladmir Scootin, Blackie O’Nassis, and The Terrestrial Falcon.
  4. Make it the source of a pun. - Perhaps you want people to laugh at your bike’s name, but you don’t want it to be quite as obvious. Trying to think of a name that instigates a pun is not an easy task. In fact, if that is your goal, I suggest you wait for the joke to come to you. It’s going to be hard to beat TheApiary: “Pandora. Because only I know what she keeps inside her box.”
  5. Resign to whatever nickname your friends give it. - If few of your friends and coworkers are scooterists, then you may not need to worry about choosing a name. Eventually, they’ll pick for you. TiePilot said he tried to get his coworkers to join him in calling his scooter “The Hog”, but they banded together and named it “Piglet” instead and it stuck.

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I felt my scooter needed a masculine name and, due to the fact that I’m the leader of Los Caped Barbarinos, a superhero identity. It took several days for me to think of something that would match the humor with which I re-branded the bike, but then it hit me. His name is Quizás (Spanish for perhaps), although, when I’m wearing my cape, he becomes Captain Ridiculous.